Two years ago, I thought I was celebrating my first Mother’s Day of many, and then I had a miscarriage 8 days later. I wasn’t out of the first trimester and I’ve since learned that it’s fairly common for women to lose their first pregnancy with it often occurring before they even know they’re pregnant. It’s like the body says, “What is this new thing? No thank you” and rejects it. A majority of women who experience this spontaneous early miscarriage with their first pregnancy go on to have successful, issue free pregnancies. Thankful this is thus far the case for me. Mother’s Day welcomes in week 30 of this pregnancy. The past month has been full of changes both emotionally and physically, as well as in my relationships with my boyfriend and my family.
I was admitted to a high risk NICU hospital for a possible stroke on the 25th last month. I was at work and started feeling really weird. My eyes got really sensitive and I couldn’t focus on what I was seeing, I couldn’t form my words correctly or make my mouth say what my head wanted it to. I had some tingling and numbness in my hand and jaw. It was a really freaky incident and then I had a massive killer headache for the next 14 hours, including the whole time I was in the er at my local hospital and being transported to the high risk hospital. It wasn’t a stroke. The neurologists are calling it a complicated migraine episode. I have to see a neurologist once a month and they prescribed me some stuff to take should I feel one coming on again. I’ve had one episode since, but other than that I’ve been doing well. My OB has me taking magnesium and iron also. They aren’t super concerned about anything because all my vitals are good. My doctors said as long as my blood pressure is good and baby is fine the pregnancy should continue til full term. That’s really all that matters to me, that she’s okay. I will say I miss being hooked up to the monitor all the time and hearing her heartbeat. It was so reassuring to hear her and know that my baby girl is doing just fine.
This all happened at a really crazy time. My baby shower was the weekend after this, on May 5th. My grandpa and his wife were coming for the whole weekend. The 5th was also his 64th birthday so yay Grandpa! It was his wife’s first time coming to Florida and they went to the beach and we went out to dinner and it was just a lovely, but exhausting weekend. Let me tell you something about planning a party. At the end of the day, the party is happening whether you have every box checked or not. You’re going to forget things you meant to get, the food won’t always be finished as planned, everyone’s not going to show up and some people might be late. It’s just so many things that you can’t control. I put so much thought and sweat and tears and stress into the darn party for nothing. I made the theme watermelon since we were doing a coed barbecue. Pinks and light green were the color scheme with some watermelon things here and there. We made hamburgers and hotdogs, pulled pork, macaroni salad, potato salad, chips and french onion dip, spinach dip, watermelon, a veggie tray, and then his mom and I made red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing and vanilla cupcakes with french buttercream icing. Everyone had a great time, I had a great time. The gifts were all things that we needed, the food was great, the weather cooperated. It was lovely.
I haven’t gotten any pictures from the shower yet. His mom took all of them. I was so busy moving from one place to another and talking to people and just enjoying myself that I barely knew where my phone was half the time.
The baby shower kind of made things seem more real. It’s one thing to be told for months that you’re going to become a parent. It’s something completely different to have other people asking you about how the nursery is coming along, if you have a name yet, if you have holiday plans, etc. I’ve been living next to a room with baby clothes and furniture in it for two months now but it still hasn’t seemed real. I feel her moving every day but I’ve just gotten used to them. I’m wondering if it will seem even more real when I start my weekly appointments. It’s like I’m going to have a baby in two months, but I still can’t accept that. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had a miscarriage so I’m terrified of something happening in these last 10 weeks or maybe it’s because I’ve never gone through labor and stuff before so I don’t know what to expect. I really have no idea. I set up her closet with all her receiving blankets and soft fuzzy blankets. I washed everything and have all her size newborn to 3 months hanging up and folded in her dresser.
The other sizes are folded in a little tote until she’s big enough to wear them. We have enough socks and towels and washcloths and they’re all put in their designated spot. His mom bought us our travel system, we went with the Graco Travel Modes with Snuglock 35 carseat. I absolutely love the stroller. I can face the baby either way in the carseat on it and in the actual seat part of the stroller, I can flip it to face me or to face out so even when she’s a toddler, if I want to have her facing me, I can. I’ll have to take pictures and show you guys once I get it out of the box. It’s currently just sitting in the middle of our kitchen because, unfortunately, we still haven’t gotten our cabinets or island yet. The designs are complete, it’s just getting them made and delivered. It’s taking a bit longer than expected because the family business got a bit busier and paying customers come first. All I know is the day we finally get rid of these raggedy old cabinets is going to be a day of rejoicing, and probably day drinking.
I’ve been giving so much thought to how much of each size she will need and everything. It’s taken a lot of reminding myself that she has everything she needs for when she comes. If we need anything else we can get it then. I’m too much of a planner. And it’s helping me distract myself while the time passes. Welllll, there’s a trillion other things on my mind but dinner calls and hubby will be home soon so maybe later. 🙂
Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms and I hope everyone is having a good weekend! (: