I wrote about the ultrasound I had last Thursday. I was so aggravated because no one would tell me anything. They said I would have to wait for my doctor to tell me, which is standard protocol. A protocol that I think is really fucked up. And here is why.

At my ultrasound, they noticed that the baby was only measuring at 9 weeks, and I was 10 weeks that day. No biggie. Then the noticed there was no heart beat. But of course, they couldn’t tell me. So they just kept going on like everything was fine. These people went along with their day while me and my fiance were talking about baby stuff, knowing that the baby inside me was no longer alive. They knew that I was miscarrying and didn’t tell me because they weren’t allowed.

Today, I had my doctor’s appointment and that’s when they told me. Throughout the entire process, they took my weight and were talking about how I’ll probably gain most of my weight at the end. Knowing that I was reaching the end way too early, they told me that. They asked me normal check up questions, listening to me talk about the plans I had for myself and my family. They listened to me talk about my baby knowing that my baby was going to leave me soon. Then, before I could even process what they were saying, the told me I’d have to come in and either take medication, have surgery, or wait for it to naturally happen.

I know that this happens. I know that it’s not rare for something like this to happen to a woman early in pregnancy. But no one ever thinks that it’s going to happen to them. And those who assume that it won’t emotional effect the woman when it’s so early in the pregnancy, they’re so wrong. I love my baby. I don’t know why it happened, I don’t know if it’s something that I did or something that occurs naturally. I just wish the people who were involved were a bit more fucking sensitive about it.