Angel

I wrote about the ultrasound I had last Thursday. I was so aggravated because no one would tell me anything. They said I would have to wait for my doctor to tell me, which is standard protocol. A protocol that I think is really fucked up. And here is why.

At my ultrasound, they noticed that the baby was only measuring at 9 weeks, and I was 10 weeks that day. No biggie. Then the noticed there was no heart beat. But of course, they couldn’t tell me. So they just kept going on like everything was fine. These people went along with their day while me and my fiance were talking about baby stuff, knowing that the baby inside me was no longer alive. They knew that I was miscarrying and didn’t tell me because they weren’t allowed.

Today, I had my doctor’s appointment and that’s when they told me. Throughout the entire process, they took my weight and were talking about how I’ll probably gain most of my weight at the end. Knowing that I was reaching the end way too early, they told me that. They asked me normal check up questions, listening to me talk about the plans I had for myself and my family. They listened to me talk about my baby knowing that my baby was going to leave me soon. Then, before I could even process what they were saying, the told me I’d have to come in and either take medication, have surgery, or wait for it to naturally happen.

I know that this happens. I know that it’s not rare for something like this to happen to a woman early in pregnancy. But no one ever thinks that it’s going to happen to them. And those who assume that it won’t emotional effect the woman when it’s so early in the pregnancy, they’re so wrong. I love my baby. I don’t know why it happened, I don’t know if it’s something that I did or something that occurs naturally. I just wish the people who were involved were a bit more fucking sensitive about it.

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13 thoughts on “Angel

  1. I am really sorry to hear that. šŸ˜¢

    I can’t even imagine how you are feeling but reading about it has made me extremely sad. I pray you get well soon. I really don’t know how it would come out but please don’t get depressed. You have the right to be angry and sad at it but don’t let it affect you as a human being. I really wish I could do more. I know how parents become more and more fragile when a baby is on the way. Please don’t let break you.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I wish they would have been more sensitive too. No matter how far or early on in a pregnancy, parents always start planning and thinking ahead, I am angry at the way it was conveyed to you as well.

        I am glad to hear that you guys will be okay. Take care of yourself and post whatever is bothering you. We humans need to take care of each other more and be more sensitive to each other’s pain.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. yeah, I’m alright. I had the miscarriage naturally Monday night. I was planning on posting about it today but still feel really weak. It’s ridiculous that doctors don’t give women an idea of what to expect. I felt like I was dying a couple of times and didn’t know what to do. It was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever went through because I was in no way prepared. Thank you for checking up on me (: Means alot.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Get well soon! You don’t have to post anything that would remind you of this incident every time someone would “like” or comment on it. It would be a bit like opening old wounds.

        Your doctor deserves a kick on their bottom. Everybody knows women are tough but a little heads up from them would have been appreciated.

        And you’re welcome. I want to read more from you soon. šŸ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I want to post about it to give other women an idea of what the hell is going to happen. The experience of having a miscarriage itself was more traumatic than the fact that I had a miscarriage. I’d rather help anyone who might need it than keep it all bottled up. Writing has always been my coping mechanism. It would help more than anything.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Writing is my therapy too. But there are some things that I find too personal in my case. If I write it down on a public platform, I would feel even more vulnerable.

        I agree with your reasoning though too. I would also try to reach as many people as I can to help them through this ordeal. I hope you get healthy soon and post regularly on here. šŸ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

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